Socialization is everyone’s favorite topic to discuss when it comes to homeschooling—and yet in my opinion, it can be overemphasized to the extreme. But as a homeschool mom, maybe I am sheltered. After all, I am home with the kids most of the day and not in on the latest gossip at the bus stop.
I set the values in my home, and we strive to stick to them. Homeschooling protects our family in a unique way: we can stay away from outside activities when we need a break! However, I recall one particular day when we were out spending time with the neighbors.
Seated in the circle of neighborhood moms, I was shocked by the conversation topics (more on these below!). Listening to what everyone was saying, I had a moment of realization. A desire to be included can cause negative consequences unless we are steadfast in holding true to our values.
The Teenage Years Offer an Opportunity
First, the other parents were discussing how frustrating it was to have teenagers. The comments focused on losing that feeling of control over the kids. Assumptions were made that the teens were going to participate in forbidden activities, and there was nothing the parents could do about it.
With my kids removed from the typical high school and teenage stressors that can be present in traditional school every day, the discussion topics brought up memories from my high school years in public school. The same peer pressures I felt back then were being talked about by the moms in the neighborhood. Their children were experiencing them. My children were not.
But, their perspective on the typical teenage challenges was different than mine. For me, homeschooling in the teen years is a sweet spot. The relationship I have with my teenagers has evolved from teacher to coach. My teens have strong opinions of how they like to learn and deep interests they want to follow. They feel empowered to share these thoughts with me and it helps focus my efforts in gathering curricula to support their learning styles and interests.
As a homeschool mom to teenagers, I have been able to shift into an advisor role. When the kids were younger I had to be hands-on, teaching them through every topic. The teenage years have allowed me to support, encourage and guide and homeschooling has helped our family connections stay strong.
The Impact of Parents in the Teenage Years
Those moms thought nothing they did as parents really mattered. Presumably, teens will make their choices, and parents can do nothing to prevent it. They felt that they did not have any influence. The moms in the group believed that parenting actions have no impact on their teenagers’ choices.
As a homeschool mom, I see things so differently. I see the differences in my children due to being protected from peer pressure. They have a settled nature and are content with who they are.
As a mom, I have high standards for myself and what I hope to teach my children. Hands-on parenting is my objective. Even with teenagers, awareness and being involved with them daily is important (and a connection they crave, even if they won’t admit it!).
I think it is a sweet spot to be parenting teens. It is a special time of life for them. As parents, it is a time of deep impact. While many parents notice their teens starting to pull away, I find it so valuable to remind them—even on the moody days—that they are interesting, loved, and seen.
When I was seated with the other moms, something became evident. Seeking inclusion in a group as parents can have negative consequences. It can suppress our vision and hopes for our teenagers. If we let other parents’ negative outlooks affect our actions and mindset, we can be led astray.
The truth about parenting and homeschooling teenagers is that I can set an example of being steadfast in faith and holding true to my values. Even if that means thinking differently than the group, I know that my children are capable. They are learning to be strong individuals rather than subscribing to group thinking.
They can avoid peer pressures because their identity is not developed in being part of the peer group. It is founded in their faith and family first.
Socialization and Values
Of course we want mom friends. As homeschool families, we need community for support and growth. Our children need quality relationships in their formative years. However, discernment is not just for Bible study time. It is a key tool as we determine what thoughts we allow to be assimilated into our parenting philosophy.
Homeschooling as an educational philosophy presents a stark contrast to the lifestyle of non-homeschooled teenagers. While it is not an impervious protection against life’s stresses and challenges, it is a forming ground for solid values. Our teens build their character and their strengths in our homes.
When we teach our teens to have solid character, they bring to a group the traits that can be a benefit to others, rather than feel the need to soak in negative behaviors. The teenage years are a wonderful time for incubation at home—for supporting and encouraging our children within the boundaries of our family values.
Time with our teens is so fleeting but it is sweet. We have so much still to give them. They have so much still to learn. It is a privilege to be their teacher.