All in the Family: Cheri Kay’s Adoption Story

Sometimes you just know. Cheri Kay knew the first time she saw him. 

While working on her doctorate in Los Angeles, Cheri Kay had reluctantly agreed to pause a busy schedule to do ten days of therapy work at an orphanage. “I didn’t even know where I was going when I got on that plane—I was that uninvested!” she shares. That feeling, however, took a 180 when she entered the orphanage in Haiti.

“I saw a two-week-old baby boy, and he was the most precious thing I had ever seen in my life. I picked him up, and I immediately knew he was my son . . . and it scared me to pieces.”

“I ran away—I didn’t know what to do,” laughed Cheri Kay. The nanny followed her upstairs with the baby and jokingly said, “Your son is hungry.”  So, baby Jaryse lay nearby as Cheri Kay started unpacking; from that day on he was her tag-along wherever she went. “I had been there all of 30 minutes and just totally fell in love with him.” 

The next day, as her physical therapy work officially started, the orphanage informed her that an 18-month-old named Ecrissa needed special attention. There was a slight problem. The nannies could not find her. So, they handed Cheri Kay a different child for therapy and asked her to check back later. When she returned, they still didn’t know where Ecrissa was.

After two or three repeats, Cheri Kay insisted on finding Ecrissa. It took twenty minutes of searching a large room lined with play pens, but they finally found her—on the floor, pushed under a play pen, completely lethargic, wearing a size three-month onesie. Nobody knew when she was last fed. Nobody knew when she was last changed. Cheri Kay picked up the baby and returned to her room.

For 45 minutes, Cheri Kay tried everything to reach her: shaking toys, being silly, making noises, but Ecrissa lay with her arms back, unresponsive, and eyes blank. Cheri Kay remembers thinking, “You are so cute, but I don’t know if you’re in there.” As a last resort, she blew raspberries on Ecrissa’s stomach and arms. She woke up! Giggling and smiling, her eyes finally converged on the toy held in front of her.  

“And I totally fell in love with her.”

By the end of five hours, Ecrissa was crawling on her hands and knees. The change was so dramatic that when Cheri Kay took Jaryse and Ecrissa back to the orphanage, the director pointed to Ecrissa and asked who she was. 

“That’s Ecrissa.”

“No,” the director insisted, “Ecrissa doesn’t move. What did you do to that baby?’”

“I guess I gave her a kiss.”

And that’s how Cheri Kay’s testimony began. 

Saved

Back in Los Angeles facing a mountain of official paperwork, reality set in: Although she had always wanted to adopt, “I was young, single, working on a doctorate, and one child had significant special needs. . . . What was I thinking!” Then, she saw the Bible that someone had given her for graduation 10 years prior, lying by her bedstand for decoration.

Despite going to church a couple times when she was younger and knowing the Bible stories, she had not dedicated her life to Christ.

“I grabbed that Bible, and I prayed, ‘I need your help. I can’t do this on my own.’” Then she signed the paperwork.

“So, God used those two orphans to save me. He had a whole plan to take me to Haiti when I didn’t even know where I was going.”

Setbacks and Delays

Once graduated, Cheri Kay headed to Haiti where she anticipated being a few months with her children before returning to the United States. A system wrought with corruption, however, resulted in an uphill battle. Eighteen months into the adoption process, she had to completely restart after the orphanage laundered all the money. The promised six to nine months turned into two weeks shy of three years. 

Despite the days of discouragement, “I wouldn’t change a day of it,” Cheri Kay says. She kept busy working in mobile clinics as a school nurse, helping embassy workers as a physical therapist, and learning the Haitian language. After the orphanage discovered Ecrissa was deaf, Cheri Kay also began teaching herself sign language through an online class whenever she could get access to internet.  

Coming home from Haiti

Another Call

Once back in the United States, several years went by and the desire to adopt again grew, but Cheri Kay was scared. The first time she adopted, it had taken her 4.5 years and steep bills to finally bring her children home. Summoning her courage, she let an adoption agency know that she wanted another deaf child.

“I was driving when I received a video about Dahlia, a little 15-month-old girl who was profoundly deaf. I stopped at Starbucks, pulled out my computer, watch[ed] the video, and started sobbing. ‘That’s my baby.’ . . . She was so spunky, so sassy, so precious.”  Cheri Kay said yes to adopting in January, and Dahlia was home by November.

Coming home from China with Dahlia

Homeschooling Journey

At first, Cheri Kay put her children in public school while she worked, since she figured her sign language (ASL) needed improvement, and professionals knew better. “I was wrong.”

Cheri Kay constantly battled the schools, who said they couldn’t handle Ecrissa, couldn’t educate her, and sent her home constantly. At 13, after 7 years in the public school system, Ecrissa knew only a handful of sight words. The district refused to set a reading goal and finally concluded that she was a “waste of time.” Furious, Cheri Kay withdrew her to homeschool, researched curriculum development for deaf kids, and attended trainings. Under Cheri Kay’s one-on-one guidance, Ecrissa grew from knowing 10 sight words to reading at a second-grade level.

Jaryse took a different route. After Cheri Kay discovered that he had a math learning disability, but his sixth-grade teachers were telling him to simply try harder, she found Interlochen Arts Academy, a private theater arts school. He went from almost failing elementary school to thriving in high school. Recently, he was accepted to Lewis University for Air Traffic Control and continues to play in the theater. 

“He just needed to be inspired!”

Jaryse performing at Interlochen Arts Academy

Challenges and Joys

Cheri Kay shares that her biggest area of growth was learning to trust God when plans did not go the way she wanted or initially expected—like waiting 4.5 years to bring her children back to the United States or adopting from China.  

A joy has been seeing her gifts deepen for others. Although she always knew she was spunky and strong-willed, she is realizing she can advocate for someone else. “As a type-A personality, I am not naturally a risk taker, but I can take risks not with their life but FOR their life. I don’t know if I would take the same risks for myself. But for my kids, I totally will. I do totally crazy things for my kids.”  

An unexpected blessing has also been to be a part of the supportive deaf and adoptive communities. Although adoption is beautiful, “it’s building on loss and trauma. There’s a lot there, so when you find another adoptive mom, the floodgates open, and you’re so glad to talk freely without judgment. Somebody who has actually walked the same walk of hard.”

As an HSLDA Special Needs Consultant, Cheri Kay loves pouring into communities through ASL Zoom calls to support deaf homeschooling parents and parents of deaf children. “It’s been super fun to be able to work with the families and invest. I wouldn’t have had those skills if not for the hard.” And she in turn is filled: “Every member teaches me something and makes me better somehow.” 

Advice

“One of the things I wish I would have done is to listen when people talk about trauma. I thought, ‘I’ll just love them so much that it won’t matter!’ Well . . . yes, but no.” It’s important to really take to heart what the trauma means and be prepared that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns.  

Still, Cheri Kay encourages people to “DO IT.”

“I have one of the hardest children. Doctors have literally told me, ‘This is the hardest kid I have ever seen.’ So, I can speak from experience. She’s still one of my biggest blessings. She’s made me a better person and taught me so much. . . . Even with the hardest of the hard, I wouldn’t trade her.”

Another encouragement is to say yes before knowing the how. If God’s asked us to do something, as desperately as we want to know the how, our job is to say yes, and watch His plan unfold. When things get rough, when finances get tight, trust that God will give the tools. Cheri Kay has seen that over and over in her life.

“Lastly, get in a community with other adopted families because you need someone who gets it.” 

How Can Others Support Parents of Special Needs Kids?

Single parents are wearing multiple hats throughout the day like working, cooking, cleaning, homeschooling. Cheri Kay shares that people will often reach out offering to take the kids to do something fun, so she can have a break. Although she appreciates that, often what she would love is help with the dishes or cleaning so that she can take the time to go and connect with her kids. “I want them to have those fun memories with me and not just remember mom wearing a lot of hats working all the time.”

What’s Next

There is never a dull moment at Cheri Kay’s house. In addition to working for HSLDA, visiting Ecrissa at a home for special needs adults, homeschooling Dahlia, taking care of her two dogs (one born deaf), and going on adventures with her kids (like a last-minute, 24-hour trip to New York City to attend a deaf theater performance she won tickets to), she is a foster mom. Currently, she is taking care of a medically challenged, sweet and smiley 11-month-old she hopes to adopt soon. She also dreams of someday living on the equator instead of chilly north Michigan.

Ollie (left) with ice cream on his face and Roxie (right)