Welcome to the Homeschool Emporium, the one-stop shop for homeschooling parents! Have you ever been here before? This isn’t your usual curriculum fair. Our wares are a lot more fabulous than that!

Step over here and let me show you our rack of Learning Style Jumpsuits. The very best education is one that is tailored to your student’s style, right? This is our Traditional Education style—note the uniform lines, straightforward zippers, no hidden pockets or irregular buttons. For something a little different, here’s our Montessori version. It’s just the basic suit, and your students add whatever colors and accessories they want, in whatever order they want. Oh, and these pieces of cloth are the Unschooling suit. You and your student put it together yourselves.

And don’t forget jewelry! We particularly recommend the HSLDA necklace. Its links help you understand the laws in your state, meet your child’s special needs, navigate high school, prepare for college, and a lot more. An essential for any homeschooling style.

Aha, I see you’ve noticed our Alchemy Department. It’s those glass bottles and silver stoppers that caught your eye, isn’t it? These are our tonics for homeschooling health. This purple one is Resolution, to keep you on track long-term. This red one is Patience—we offer an autoship subscription to this one. The bubbly one there is Sense of Humor, very high dosage recommended. All of our tonics are most effective if diluted with Grace, which comes bottled in infinite quantities.

Over here are our handcrafted blocks, perfect for building that solid support system that all homeschoolers need. And a purchase of a Complete Community Collection comes with this scale to help you balance your home life with your school life. Oops, careful—it’s pretty sensitive. Hard to keep balanced, if we’re honest.

Don’t forget to check out our bin of Add-Ons. This box here is Free Time. Isn’t it beautiful? But as you can see, it’s really hard to get it open.

All right, I’ll leave you to your shopping! When you’re done, come up front and I’ll wrap up your homeschooling journey in a neat, manageable package for you to take home.

Fine print: Your educational package will not stay neat and tidy once you use it with your children. It will need to be reconfigured at least once a year. Maybe once a month. But with good quality materials, you can create a rewarding homeschooling journey for your children and yourself!

Finer print: There’s actually no such thing as The Homeschool Emporium. Or a box of free time. Or a potion for extra patience. Sorry.

Finest print: Except for the HSLDA link. That’s really a thing. Highly recommended.

—Sara

Photo Credit: Graphic design from iStock, edited by Anna Soltis.