Sometimes I don’t like being a widow—when you need good advice and there’s no one you really feel like you can turn to. Or when you don’t have anyone you can call on in a pinch when you need something fixed—like the lawnmower that we can’t start just when our grass really needs to be cut, or the kitchen sink that is leaking just enough to be a nuisance, or the sliding glass door that a friend thankfully put back on track, but now won’t slide open or shut very easily.
And that’s just the practical stuff around the house. I miss my husband’s input and humor when I get overwhelmed by the burdens my kids carry around which I want to fix—when my little man John is discouraged in trying to train his ‘wascally’ dog for the umpteenth time, or when my daughter is wondering if she’ll ever get a job that will give her enough to save a little and not just survive paycheck to paycheck.
I now fit in part-time work with overseeing schoolwork, running a household, and until just recently, keeping our old house clean ALL the time because it was on the market for nine months last year, (Note: I still keep my house clean; just not ALL the time)
Those, and a dozen other similar things are like little balls I’m trying to juggle and keep up in the air. I never could learn how to juggle in real life, and don't do much better sometimes with my To Do list. Sometimes everything seems so overwhelming I want to climb in bed at night, and not get up the next morning at all (and I’m a morning person)! I dislike having to deal with this load all by myself…all the time.
Though often tired and sometimes feeling forsaken, I know however, that I am never truly alone. The Lord may choose to be silent, but He will never leave me. He may be slow in answering my prayers (at least according to me!), but He will never NOT give me what I need and what is good for me.
I love this verse, my life verse and a promise from our loving heavenly Father—
“O taste and see that the LORD is good; how blessed is the man that takes refuge in Him! O, fear the LORD, you His saints, for to those who fear Him, there is no want.”
There's no place like home,